I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
