My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
we should paint friendship bongs
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