so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
