I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
