Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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