guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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