No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
