My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
