so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize