Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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