Porn is love you can see.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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