Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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