I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
