walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
