My sheets look like a crime scene.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
