Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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