I like my sex mixed with concussions.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
