My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
