I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
