I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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