It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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