all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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