dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
