I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
