I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
