Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
