Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
