I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My feet surprised me
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