im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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