I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
