Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
