This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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