WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
