When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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