I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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