I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
