she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
