the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
