cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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