I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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