I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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