I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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