Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(530): View more from California

No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.

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(530): No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here. http://tfl.nu/k9so

Replies (33) Good night (2583) Bad night (1203)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.

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(604): Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better. http://tfl.nu/c4mu

Replies (64) Good night (1000) Bad night (7011)
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(315): View more from New York

You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

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(315): You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser. http://tfl.nu/232e

Replies (24) Good night (1929) Bad night (8253)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number

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(617): i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number http://tfl.nu/mfjx

Replies (14) Good night (7086) Bad night (1081)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it

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(502): if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it http://tfl.nu/pt50

Replies (10) Good night (4724) Bad night (1503)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"

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(615): She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits" http://tfl.nu/yc53

Replies (9) Good night (2954) Bad night (1204)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.

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(304): it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast. http://tfl.nu/xssi

Replies (8) Good night (1248) Bad night (5425)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.

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(709): I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her. http://tfl.nu/w26o

Replies (10) Good night (2224) Bad night (1199)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.

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(304): I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird. http://tfl.nu/9ztz

Replies (9) Good night (926) Bad night (2237)
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(916): View more from California

WHY did you say no to the sex seance?

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(916): WHY did you say no to the sex seance? http://tfl.nu/czv9

Replies (4) Good night (768) Bad night (646)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.

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(321): It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises. http://tfl.nu/1767

Replies (4) Good night (833) Bad night (487)
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(770): View more from Georgia

I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.

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(770): I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby. http://tfl.nu/say7

Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (408)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.

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(479): The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it. http://tfl.nu/6rje

Replies (7) Good night (1285) Bad night (438)
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(818): View more from California

I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.

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(818): I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me. http://tfl.nu/5z7i

Replies (2) Good night (900) Bad night (312)
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(903): View more from Texas

I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house

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(903): I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house http://tfl.nu/dgh7

Replies (7) Good night (803) Bad night (315)

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