listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I can't put those talents on a resume
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to