My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants