I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion