Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
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me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.