Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I forgot wine drunk hurts