Jerry, you need to find god
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.