I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.