It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Found your dick twin last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.