dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we made out on top of his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize