God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
