...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
