I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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