And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
