He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
