Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
