Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
