I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
