Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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