R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
