So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
