I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
