You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
