It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
