some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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