I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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