ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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