i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
