Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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